


“Love is as strong as death, as hard as hell.”

by sighingfawn



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorder, Established Relationship, Hospitalisation, M/M, Possibly Triggering, its short sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-04-05 08:55:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4173705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sighingfawn/pseuds/sighingfawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joel visits Ray.</p>
            </blockquote>





	“Love is as strong as death, as hard as hell.”

**Author's Note:**

> it's short and terrible and im feeling a lil bit like im gonna relapse but i might return to this and make it longer one day. thank you for reading.

      His stomach knots as Joel sits in front of him, hair messy and face sagging under the weight of everything Ray was putting him through. He wants to apologize for the uncomfortable chairs and his shaking hands but the monster had crawled its way inside Ray’s throat again.  
“You’re looking better.”  
Ray shakes his head.  
“You are.” His voice is soft and his own hands twitch like he wants to reach out.  
No touching, the monster says.  
“Rachel said you’re anxiety medication has been decreased. That’s good right?” Joel knows the answer and the spiteful part of Ray refuses to answer. Ray watched through the window as Joel spoke to his therapist for twenty minutes before visitation, of course he knows it’s good. “That was probably a dumb thing to say.” Joel says after a minute.  
The monster makes Ray nod his head.  
Joel exhales shakily and Ray watches as more of his resolve crumbles, as more of his patience and love for Ray disappears under the pressure of _having_ to love the sick boyfriend. “The guys want to visit you but I told them I don’t think it’s a good idea.”  
The monster spews words into his mouth. “You don’t want them seeing how fat I’ve got.”  
Joel bows in his chair and Ray wants to ground to swallow him. “That’s not what it is.” He tries to stay calm, keep his voice neutral and soft but anger seeps into the edges and Ray takes it.  
“Look at me.” His bony fingers curl into fists and punch his rib cage through his sweatshirt. “I’m repulsive. You want to keep me hidden.”  
Joel reaches forward and grabs his wrists, fingers encircling them even after the time spent here. “I want you better. I want Ray.”  
The monster wants him to cry. Ray wants him to leave.  
“This is who I am.” Ray gestures around the visitation room. “This is what you picked. The hospital visits and crying and my fat body. This is what you wanted.”  
“You weren’t always like this. It’s not even about the food-”  
The monster makes him laugh, loud and cruel. “It’s always about the fucking food.”  
This time, Joel doesn’t rise to what Ray is doing. “You know that it’s not. You want to hurt and this is how you do it, it’s not about me or anyone else, it’s all you Ray. I love you and you love me, the voice inside your head isn’t apart of you. It’s the disease.”  
The words sting and the monster tries to get Ray to lash out but the words die in his throat as the monster curls back under his aching rib cage. “I don’t know how much longer I can pretend to believe that.”  
“It’ll stick. You’ve done so well, keep going.” His words lilt with encouragement. "The smallest improvements are big victories."    
“Don’t get your hopes up. Not yet. I’m trying.” Ray wonders if Joel can see that the monster has crept away and he’s being honest, wonders if Joel is so tired of him that he reads everything Ray says as a lie.  
He hopes not.  
“I know.” His hands move slowly from around Ray’s wrists to his hands and they rest on top of Ray’s bony knee’s. “I know.”  
  



End file.
